If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
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I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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