you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Farmville is her only friend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We have started to decorate penises.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
