i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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