i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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