i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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