Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And then my night got REAL pukey
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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