McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
