we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
