ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
