haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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