I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
