sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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