i think my tv is drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
