So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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