I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
