So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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