Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
