I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
