the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
