gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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