How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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