Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
