you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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