Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
