We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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