i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
