I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
