So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
