In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
