I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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