Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
