Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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