You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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