Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
