If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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