just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bring me that man meat
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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