yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
