Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
