I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
