i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His hands were made for my vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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