Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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