remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
