my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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