listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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