I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
