So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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