Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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