The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
