Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
