if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
