I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my being single is dangerous.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
