ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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