hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize