okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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