the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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