The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I heard we made out
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
