all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
