i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
