I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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