There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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