nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You left your phone here
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