and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
